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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?